FREE RANGING

I was reading an article recently about Free-Range Parenting. I am not a free-range parent, but I love hearing about what other people think is acceptable parenting versus irresponsible parenting.

 

Have you noticed how the world is full of people who are experts on other people’s children? Even the unborn ones.

As the name suggests, a free-range parent gives their children a lot of freedom. I’m not talking about letting your kid decide what they want for breakfast. I’m talking about letting your nine-year-old catch the New York subway on their own or dropping off your young children at a local park to find their own way home alone when they are ready. Free-range parents are concerned that if we do not foster enough independence in our children, we take away the opportunity for them to learn important life skills like the ability to assess danger and risk. Which is certainly a pretty important thing to take into adulthood. They also believe by overprotecting your children, you rob them of the opportunity to develop their unique sense of self-possession and autonomy.

I would like to experience the peace of mind that allows this type of parenting. Instead, I think I identify more with A Worrying Parent. I once heard a mother describe having children is like breaking off little pieces of your heart, turning them into tiny boats and launching them out to sea, entrusting the currents and tides to get them to safe ground. It sounds a little dramatic, but isn’t parenting one long melodrama? It’s heartbreaking and wonderful, but at the same time feels a bit like being in a constant state of mild panic. 

It’s those ‘currents and tides’ that concern me. Those things that are out of my control. So I don’t think I’m ever going to be a free-range parent. I’m not alone in this. A recent Deakin University study suggests 51% of parents of 10-12-year-old Australian children do not let them walk to school alone. 

However, I suspect the free-range parents make a very good point. Are we protecting our children too much? Is the risk of abduction or being hit by a car so high that it is far outweighing our own common sense? If we don’t let them roam free, are they growing into dependent little sissies without any resilience? Where is their challenge? My children are never going to have to wind a window up in a car, get off the couch to change the channel or go to the library to look something up, let alone experience the wonderful freedom. Like wandering around in the bush for the day, completely alone, like their father did.

Yet if you want to free-range your children, watch out. There is a case in the US involving a couple who let their children (aged 10 and 6) walk to the local park and back home (only 1.6 km away). They have been charged with unsubstantiated child neglect. Only in America? There was an instance in an Australian city recently where the Police approached a 10-year-old girl waiting to catch the bus home after her piano lesson. They followed the bus and then reprimanded her mother, who greeted her when she got off. The Police warned the mother she should not let her 10-year-old daughter catch the city bus alone, as they themselves would never let their child do it. The mother, fearing being labelled an irresponsible parent, accompanied her daughter from then on. A Father from Manly in Sydney let his 7-year-old walk to the local shop 400 m away from home on a familiar route. The Police brought his son home and lectured the father on his irresponsibility and advised him they would file a report on him for being a neglectful parent. There is currently no law relating to leaving your school-age children alone in the house, or alone on the streets - but is Australia one step away from this? It doesn't surprise me when my South Africa husband calls Australia The Nanny State.

Is the world really that different now than it was when we were growing up? 

I grew up in the Sydney suburbs in the 1980s. I was allowed to roam free from around the age of ten. My parents gave me some strict street rules to adhere to, and as long as I stayed within certain boundaries, didn’t speak to anyone I didn’t know and didn’t go into anyone’s house, I was allowed to wander around the neighbourhood by myself. I used to ride down to the local shop on a busy road, alone. I also got off the school bus and walked home from the bus stop, alone. I came out of that relatively unscathed.

I remember there was a ‘safety house’ in my street that I walked past on my way home. It made me feel at ease knowing it was there. The Safety House Scheme began in NSW in the 80s and was introduced by Police as part of a stranger danger initiative. If you were approached by someone, not to worry, you could always run into a Safety House and you’d be fine! This scheme has since been abandoned. Perhaps kids were safer out on the street than they were in some of those homes?

Anyway, I think there are probably the same amount of people around who do bad things to children as there always was and the majority of the time it’s not the strangers that you need to be wary of, but the people right under your nose. 

TIDBIT: I am very impressed with my sister-in-law who jumped out of the safety of the car recently while inside a game reserve in Africa. Nature called and she had to do what she had to do. As anyone who has travelled for more than an hour with me knows, I have done a lot of ‘bushies’ in my life. I never had the guts to do this in a place where there were lions though. It did remind me of a time when I had to go for one while travelling along the motorway in England. Actually, since there is no bush in England it’s probably not called ‘a bushie’ is it?  A ‘thicketie’ perhaps? Anyway, the thing about England is that there is that horrible stinging nettle everywhere and unbeknown to me it grows a lot by the side of the motorway. That is all I will say about that.   

What would Jane say?

‘I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.’  

Yes Jane, and some of us want to roam like lionesses!