I AM A MOVIE SNOB

Being the parents of young children, my husband and I don’t get out much. So, we stay in and watch movies. A lot.

I enforce a ten-minute rule. If I don’t like the movie within ten minutes, I turn it off. He calls me a ‘Movie Snob’, but if I am going to spend two hours of my precious time watching a movie, it has to be good enough. 

I hate movie clichés, of which there are many. I have made a list of the ones that annoy me the most.

MY MOVIE CLICHÉS THAT DO NOT PASS THE TEN-MINUTE RULE:

1. Dancing Around the Kitchen. Movie Moment = Mermaids.  Who actually does this in real life? If any of my family or friends did this I would film them and show them later how ridiculous they look.
2. The Montage. Movie Moment = Sleeping With The Enemy. The ‘Montage’ appears in every rom-com ever made. The one in this movie is absolutely the worst montage ever produced. You know the scene. Julia Roberts, on stage, ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ playing, she gets dressed up in endless outfits laughing hysterically at nothing in particular, as only Julia can.
3. The Well-Meaning Best Friend. Movie Moment = Sliding Doors. This person is never as good-looking as the leading lady/man. The ‘Best Friend’ does not have much of a purpose other than to be a funny sidekick who will take a bullet for the main character, despite how badly the main character treats them. The ‘Best Friend’ often has a lovely, chirpy Irish accent.
4. Big, Beautiful Homes in Tree-Lined Streets. Movie Moment = all Hollywood movies. Even people who work as waitresses or barmen have funky, cool apartments or loft conversions. People who have never even lived in New York know this is impossible.
5. The Eclectic, Funny Group of Friends Who Appear From Nowhere. Movie Moment = Notting Hill. They are just a bunch of idiots, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love them.
6. The Annoying Kid(s). Movie Moment = Love Actually. This kid is usually on a quest of some kind and he/she is more eloquent than any child who has ever lived.
7. The Hollywood Ending (yes, smarty, sometimes I can tell how a movie will end in the first ten minutes). Movie Moment = Silver Linings Playbook. Mental illness wrapped up in a nice little Hollywood package.
8. The Chase. (Usually involving all of The Eclectic Funny Friends mentioned in point 5.) Movie Moment = Notting Hill again, of course. Maybe I'm a bad friend, but I wouldn't drive all over the city like a maniac for anyone, no matter how much you're in love.
9. The Music Cue. Movie Moment = all rom-coms. Cue sad music when there is a sad scene. Cue happy music when there is a happy scene, just in case you weren’t sure what to feel at any moment due to the bad acting.
10. The Lack of Subtlety. Movie Moment = Sleeping With The Enemy, again. I hate it when they insult my intelligence. There is a scene in this movie when the abusive husband is looking for a clue to find out where his wife has escaped. He pulls out a box. Written on the box is something like, “Sarah’s Personel Effects”. JUST IN CASE YOU WEREN’T SURE THAT IT CONTAINS HER PERSONAL STUFF!

TIDBIT:  I wish I had the courage to let my hair go fully grey. I’m certain the amount of money and time I have spent on covering my grey hair could be put to a much better cause. 

What would Jane say? 

‘Pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked’ . 

Me too Jane, me too!