JERRY YOU'RE NOT A SIZE 31 ANYMORE

Today I bought some new underwear and I’m a bit upset because I went up a size thinking they might be a bit baggy… but they fit me perfectly. My arse is much bigger than a year ago. I blame it on the breastfeeding. I am envious of those women who say whenever they breastfeed it is like stepping on the treadmill because ‘the weight just falls right off me’. Just. Shut. Up. As my son likes to say, ‘poo-bum’ to you. Not me. I have accepted the fact that it is near impossible for me to lose the baby weight while breastfeeding because I am constantly hungry. I eat, therefore I am… there is no end to my appetite for carbs.

My underwear incident reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when Jerry cannot accept that he has gone up a jean size after being size 31 for years. He changes the size on his Levis from 32 to 31 with a sharpie. Oh, the vanity, Jerry, the vanity! I am going the opposite way and celebrating the fact that I was not stubborn or vain as I have been previously where I have bought the smaller size undies and worn them even though they gave me a serious VPL and made me very uncomfortable. Maybe because I have turned 40 and I am older and wiser, and can finally accept my post-baby body because I am too busy being a mum/wife/daughter and don’t have the time or energy to jump on the treadmill currently sitting in the garage gathering dust.

TIDBIT: I love watching QI. I think I would have Stephen Fry as my other guest (besides Jane) sitting next to me at a dinner party of famous people of my choosing. The other night they were discussing Nanny goats and why they are named as such. No, not the stay hairs that appear on your chin! The real goats. Nanny Goats were used to feed abandoned babies in foundling hospitals in Europe in the 18th and 19th centuries. They would lead a goat to a babe’s crib and the goat would stand over it so the baby could suckle. Once established which baby was theirs, a nanny goat would return to the same baby to feed it and refuse to feed any other baby. Quite interesting indeed!

What would Jane say? Probably nothing complimentary regarding this subject. Our Jane sadly did not care very much for children: Regarding a will, ‘The whole was tied up for the benefit of this child, who, in occasional visits with his father and mother at Norland, had so far gained on the affections of his uncle, by such attractions as are by no means unusual in children of two or three years old; an imperfect articulation, an earnest desire of having his own way, many cunning tricks, and a great deal of noise…’.  

Jane, you would not last an hour in my house!